clickety-clack

daily bread

2012-02-15T17:17:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking about bread.

I do this a lot. I'm kind of a carbaholic. I could absolutely eat a whole loaf of bread, plain-and-dry, by myself. My dad has always made homemade bread, usually searching for the perfect honey wheat recipe. The loaf he made a few days ago was exquisite (and gone much too soon.) I've been meaning to make rosemary bread for weeks now. It's another favorite of mine.

But, you know how my mind works. It's kind of tangled. As Reggie says in Charade, "I associate a lot of things with a lot of other things." Everything connects. Everything represents something else. Everything reflects.

So I've been thinking about bread symbolically. And as is usually the case, when I begin to think about something, I suddenly hear about it everywhere. And see it everywhere. (And no, I haven't just been sitting in a bakery.)

One of my ministers is doing an excellent series on The Lord's Prayer. The last talk I got to hear was on the line, "give us this day our daily bread." You can listen to it (or watch it) for free here or on itunes. It's really quite good.

But have you ever pondered that verse of the prayer? Ever noticed how Jesus doesn't tell us to ask for a storehouse of bread? Or access to a local bakery, night and day? Or even enough bread for today...and tomorrow? It's interesting. At least to me...

This year will be the first time my family recognizes Lent. I wrote before about our Advent journey. We, as a family, are trying to be more Christ-focused and we're finding that many Christ followers who have gone before us have given us useful tools for this. Advent was one good tool and we feel that Lent will be another. We're excited. But a little scared too. Advent was, in a way, about getting excited about Jesus. Lent is, in it's own way, about repenting of our own sins and handing them, again, over to God. Watching them placed on Christ's shoulders as He hangs on the cross. It's a weighty business.

When we had a family meeting about Lent, we talked about the purpose and history behind it. We told the younger children about the significance of the forty days and of giving something up. We came to a conclusion to all give something up as a family. It was a moment of nervous laughter. Not one of us will forget this Lenten season, I can be sure.

Yet, again, we spoke of bread. We spoke of Jesus' 40-day fast and the words of the tempter, "turn that stone to bread, if you're so hungry!" But Jesus wasn't as hungry for bread as was for "every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."

So as I was spending my Valentine's Day with the charming Charles Spurgeon, I found this little passage. It is Spurgeon's thoughts on a passage in 2 Kings which is very interesting. A man named Jehoiachin is receiving daily rations from a kindly king, but it can teach us much about how God provides for us. It is preparing my heart for Lent already...

†

"And for his allowance, a regular allowance was given him by the king, according his daily needs, as long as he lived." 2 Kings 25:30
"Jehoiachin was not sent away from the king's palace with provisions to last him for months, but i was given to him as a daily supply. In this He provides us with a picture of the happy position of all the Lords' people. A daily portion is all that a man really wants.

We do not need tomorrow's supplies; that day has not yet dawned, and it's wants are as yet unborn. The experience that we may suffer in the month of June does not need to be quenched in February, for we do not feel it yet; if we have enough for each day as the days arrive, we shall never know want. Sufficient for the day is all that we can enjoy.

We cannot eat or drink or wear more than the day's supply of food and clothing; the more we have, the more we have to store, and we worry about it being stolen. One cane help a traveler, but a bundle of sticks is a heavy burden. Enough is not only as good as a feast, but it is all that the greediest glutton can truly enjoy. This is all that we should expect; a craving for more than this is ungrateful.

When our Father does not give us more, we should be content with his daily allowance. Jehoiachin's case is ours; we have a sure portion, a portion given to us by the king, a gracious portion and a perpetual portion. Here is surely ground for thankfulness.Beloved Christian reader, in matters of grace you need a daily supply. You have no store of strength. Day by day you must seek help from above. I tis avery happy assurance that you are provided with a regular allowance.

In the Word, through the ministry, by meditation, in prayer and waiting upon God you will receive renewed strength. In Jesus everything you need is provided for you. So enjoy your continual allowance. Never go hungry while the daily bread of grace is on the table of mercy."

how to be ready for anything

2012-02-08T12:11:00.002-06:00

{This piece was written for and published by my church's blog, but hey-you guys might like it too?}

Jubilee on Flutterby

“God does not wait for the world to get ready, Heenters right into the mess…because He comes for the messy.”

-Katie Davis, missionary to Uganda

Scripture tells us that Jesuscame in “the fullness of time” (Galatians 4:4) and yet, when we read the story,the world doesn’t seem ready at all.

The angel didn’t find Marypainting the walls of a nursery blue. Instead, she wasn’t even married yet,much less looking to be a mom. Bethlehem surely wasn’t ready; the inn was fulland the townsfolk unhelpful. The King’s entry was greeted by no governmentofficials, no red carpet, no media. Who wasready for Jesus?

If you know Jesus, thisquestion probably makes you smile. When He came to you and redeemed you, didyou look ready? Probably not. He died for us while we were still sinners andloved us before we loved Him. (Romans 5:8 and 1 John 4:19) It was nopreparation on our part that brought us to Him, and yet, here we are.

And yet, I think we forget. Ithink we forget that God’s idea of “ready” is vastly different than ours. Nowthat we’ve been Christians for a while, we begin to drift back to the world’sstandards. And then God calls us somewhere or asks us to do something and we’reshocked. How could He think we’re ready for that?

When God asked Moses to leadHis children out of Egypt, he was a middle-aged murderer with a stutter. Hemust have looked over his shoulder, “Who, me?”

Looking through scripture, wefind that none of us are really ready, really qualified when God comes. And yetwe know that His timing is perfect. We know that His plans are best. We knowthat His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, so if He thinks you’reready…you’re ready!

In a way, He always comes tothe unqualified (see David for an excellent example.) And yet, once He hascalled, He has qualified us.

But shouldn’t we at least tryto be ready? Shouldn’t we try to be like King David’s soldiers who, when thekingdom was turning to Absalom, said, “Behold, your servants are ready to dowhatever the lord the king decides”?

Yes! That is the only thingwe can do. Be prepared to say “yes” to God. Be willing to follow Him in anydirection.

It seems like a lot to do, atfirst glance. “Be prepared for anything” gives me visions of first aid kits andfire drills, but I think it is quite the opposite. We don’t need to be preparedto do everything; we need to beprepared to accept anything.

Timothy may have beenwondering about the same things, for Paul wrote to him in a letter:

“Therefore, if anyonecleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorableuse, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every goodwork.”

(2 Timothy 2:21)

That is how we become readyfor any and everything God could possibly think to call us to. We cleanseourselves from what is dishonorable. Obviously, only God can sanctify us, butthis letter was to Christians. This “cleansing” isn’t referring to the initialcleansing from sin. In this passage, Paul goes on to urge Timothy to “flee fromyouthful passions and pursue righteousness.” I believe that this is the meaningbehind “cleansing ourselves.”

Matthew Henry said,

“Sanctification in the heart is our preparation forevery good work. The tree must be made good, and the fruit will be good.”

So even if you do need adegree to be qualified for that job or you need that job before you’ll be readyto propose to that girl, you might be perfectly qualified and completely readyfor something God has in store for you tomorrow. If we, as vessels, daily setourselves apart from what is dishonorable, we will be ready to be useful to TheMaster of the House.

Everly

"because He cares..." 1 peter 5:7

2012-02-06T19:59:00.000-06:00

1109. "God is not a God of confusion but of peace." 1 Corinthians 14:33

1110. ‎"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth." Ephesians 1:7-10

1111. time to read

1112. time to write

1113. productive days

1114. writing a piece for my church

1115. singing "there is a fountain filled with blood"

1116. sleeping baby on the video monitor

1117. "ironic" connections

1118. happy mice in a clean mouse house

1119. the baby mouse I fostered this week (he's enjoying the meadow now)

1120. the storm and all of the lovely rain that came with it

1121. constant joking and laughing with Birdie

1122. working four days this week

1123. "When we take ourselves too seriously, as the chief or only object of God's interest, then we fail to understand the magnitude of his love and concern for us." -Madeleine L'Engle

1124. this song

1125. wise words on fear

1126. such a happy-true!-story

1127. "Faith does not eliminate questions, but faith knows where to take them." -Elisabeth Elliot

1128. bashfully trying to learn how to pray aloud

aletheia

2012-02-04T11:50:00.002-06:00

This past October, I was approached about reviewing a magazine. I was a little hesitant, as I had never done it before, but it sounded like fun. The Fall 2011 edition of "Aletheia" was shipped to my address and I excitedly skimmed through the contents.

The first thing I liked about Aletheia was that I found inside it's pages a story by my dear M. Peckover. The editors can't know how much this added to my appreciation for their magazine. (Great story, M!)

The general contents of the magazine were separated into poetry, stories, a few article-type features and a book review. My favorite was, of course, the stories.

All of the content is submitted by teens. This makes the magazine extra interesting. The magazine is categorized as "Christian" and the focus is on creative arts. I love when believers in Christ fearlessly share artwork. It doesn't have to be a picture of Jesus to glorify Him. (As a matter of fact, most pictures of Jesus probably don't. Ahem...)

M's story, for example, was accompanied with artwork by a 14yo girl in another state. It's really quite neat.

There was a page of photography (again, all submitted by teenagers from around the world) and a piece about the artwork of Joe Goode.

The work, of course, varied in quality throughout the magazine and throughout my personal opinions, but the entire thing was put together in a God honoring, excellence-seeking, non-sloppy way. I rather enjoyed it.

To my disappointment, Aletheia is now distributed only as a digital magazine, but you can receive it in PDF format in your email inbox or subscribe to the Kindle edition. This would make a great gift for a creative young adult.

Or, if you are a creative young adult, you can submit your personal fiction, nonfiction, artwork, photography or book review here! (Be sure to read the FAQ first.)

All in all, I enjoyed this magazine! Check it out for yourself.

Everly

life in shambles

2012-01-30T18:34:00.001-06:00

Mary Poppins: ultimate nanny

There is a little girl I have the privilege of babysitting once a week who I refer to (here) as Adorable A.

The meaning behind the name is that she is over-the-top adorable. Someday I'll remember to ask her parents if I can post pictures of her here. You'll enjoy her face.

Today, we were playing kitchen together. She has a little plastic pot that makes bubbling sounds when you set it on the little plastic stovetop. She also has lots of plastic measuring cups and drinking cups and baby bottles.

At one point during our afternoon together, Adorable A. decided that the bottle needed to be in the cup and the cup needed to be in the little grocery basket. Once this was completed, she went shopping. Everything seemed fine. She was smiling between two chubby cheeks and all was well in the world.

Until she bumped into the armchair. And tripped. And the basket went flying. The cup came out of the basket, the bottle came out of the cup. Her life was in shambles.

Everything she had worked for-dashed to pieces! Everything she had put her hope in-lost! Her precious basket of goods-now scattered across the living room floor.

In this moment (the one just before I jumped up to comfort her) I learned something from Adorable A.

So often, we see our lives as very safe things we hold in our hands. We have our relationships here, our job here, our future grasped tightly here. And then we trip.

And when we do, everything comes crashing down. Everything is falling apart. Our lives are in shambles. Or so it would seem.

Yet, from the chair from where I watched this happen, it looked humorous. Why was that basket, cup and bottle so important to A.? And why was she so upset when she dropped it? Didn't she see how simple this all was? Didn't she see how everything but that one little basket was being held together?

But she didn't. She couldn't. She was wrapped up in it.

I got up from my chair and quickly popped the bottle back into the cup and dropped the cup back into the basket. Adoarble A. was elated. And moved on with her life. And completely forgot about the traumatic incident of 2012.

But I kept thinking about it. how there is someone so much bigger and wiser than I am watching over me. About how small my life and the things within my life really are. About how easy it is for God to just step in and change everything. About the power I underestimate when I should be hoping in it.

John 1:16 "And from His fulness we have received."

Spurgeon on the above verse:

"Come, believer, and get all your need supplied; ask largely, and you will receive largely, for this "fulness" in inexhaustible and is treasured up where all the needy may reach it, even in Jesus, Immanuel-God with us."

1094. lessons from babies

1095. a productive day

1096. seeing friends

1097. surprise party

1098. a desk

1099. a filing cabinet

1100. a new place for Posy and Thimble

1101. an extra hour of sleep

1102. pretty weather

1103. a new hat

1104. boring meeting-canceled!

1105. a raise

1106. piling onto the couch with the family, watching movies

1107. music and delicious smells currently coming from the kitchen

1108. Eliza's promised visit!

unqualified

2012-01-28T13:39:00.001-06:00

"In the novels and stories which have always meant the most to me, and to which, as both child and adult, I return and return, I find the same thing: the unqualified younger son finishes the quest where the qualified elder brothers fail because they think they can do it themselves. In Twelfth Night, Viola, a young, unqualified girl, ends up solving all the tangled problems and marrying the duke. The Macbeths bring disaster on themselves and others because they take things into their own hands; they think they have a right to do what they need to do in order for Macbeth to get the crown; they listen to the witches, and they fall for the three temptations of power---temptations which have been the same since Satan offered them to Jesus in the wilderness. King Lear moves into tragedy when he assumes that he has a right to be loved by his daughters and when he tries to compare their love quantitatively.

Moses wasn't qualified (as I run over my favorite characters in both Old and New Testament, I can't find one who was in any worldly way qualified to do the job which was nevertheless accomplished); Moses was past middle age when God called him to lead his children out of Egypt, and he spoke with a stutter. He was reluctant and unwilling, and he couldn't control his temper. But he saw the bush that burned and was not consumed. He spoke with God in the cloud on Mount Sinai, and afterwards his face glowed with such a brilliant light that the people could not bear to look at him.

In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualified to do his work, to bear his glory, If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, then there's no danger that will confused God's work with our own, or God's glory with our own."

-Madeleine L'Engle, Walking On Water

joy.is.strength

2012-01-23T17:01:00.001-06:00

"...Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

Nehemiah 8:10b

1080. finally getting Adorable A. down for a nap

1081. plopping the monitor down by an arm chair and indulging in L'Engle's Walking On Water

1082. chores, monotony, rhythm

1083. the schedule Birdie and I have put ourselves on

1084. scripture reading with instant peace

1085. beginning and ending each day with Spurgeon's Morning and Evening

1086. Sabrina's job

1087. getting a few letters and notes in the mail

1088. timely finds for bookish research

1089. zucchini bread for breakfast

1090. Joey's African Nectar (tea)

1091. prodigal cat, returned in the morning light

1092. looking back on His faithfulness

1093. our eternal weight of glory

everly

today

2012-01-16T20:27:00.002-06:00

What is supposed to happen on Cleaning Day:

All children wake up in the early hours and begin merrily attending to their own chores until the house sparkles and everyone retires to pleasant, restful activities.

What did happen on Cleaning Day:

Everyone slept late.

Bunny was rushing through the dishes and ended up smashing two wine glasses in the sink.

Jubilee cleaned her hamster cage without assistance. Poured half a jar of activated charcoal in the shavings and got charcoal absolutely. everywhere.

I didn't finish my chores before having to go babysit.

The roll of paper towels was being used by three people at once without anyone being aware. "WHERE did I set those PAPER TOWELS?"

Something happened, which isn't really my business, which caused Willin to start slamming doors and punching walls.

But alas, evening has fallen. The house is fairly tidy again and all is well.

1066. cooking seven meals in a week

1067. a very helpful little sister

1068. driving back and forth the grocery store alone, praying aloud.

1069. affirmation

1070. friends whom I've never met who write to say they're praying for me

1071. twenty free greeting cards and a card organizer from Day Spring. What a fun surprise!

1072. a whole box of stuff to go to the mission

1073. people contacting me about the survey

1074. having a writer for a brother. good for accountability and stimulating conversation.

1075. putting things in my "writing ideas" binder, feeling productive

1076. friends over for cookies and movies and such

1077. a letter from my sponsor child in Haiti, making me laugh. "It is very cold here!"

1078. warm days and cool days

1079. walks with Birdie

everly

My Year of Not Trying Any Harder

2012-01-13T11:05:00.002-06:00

"I almost named my new year “The Year of Trying Harder.”

It seemed like a good idea. It seemed like trying harder was exactly what I needed to do. Make myself exercise. Tightly schedule my correspondence. Read this many books.

Work harder.

Do better.

Regret less.

But I caught myself.

Thank Heaven, I caught myself."

Hear from me at YLCF today?

Everly

oopdate + help wanted

2012-01-12T20:29:00.001-06:00

John Sharman's "At The End of the Porch"

{Because I like pronouncing "update" that way.}

I am sitting on my bed, surrounded by printed pages, highlighted and underlined and a binder, newly decorated, labeled "Book Ideas: 2012"

Do you see what's happening here?

First of all, I'm needing a desk. I am hoping to drag an old desk out of our sunroom very soon, repaint it and perhaps give it some new hardware and then finally set up shop.

But more importantly, I'm writing a book.

Wow, let me take a deep breath. That's the first time I've said that. Written that. At least this time around.

In 2010, when I graduated high school, I boasted that I was in the process of writing a book on "the roles of young women in the home and society." Some of you may remember me blogging about it, many of you were kind enough to fill out a survey. I was really excited about it...until I started writing.

Normally, I love to write. Most days, I'd much rather be "clickety-clacking" than doing research. Most days I'd rather be "clickety-clacking" than doing anything else! But writing this book, it felt like dragging a plow. In other words, it wasn't flowing.

But two years have passed since then and I've done a lot of growing, changing, learning and re-learning. I've eaten a lot of humble pie. My perspective has stretched to a much more open view. My opinions have been chopped up and tossed out the window. But as you know, things that are tossed out the window, often sow new seeds. Those seeds have sprouted now and grown into new opinions. Opinions which have led to me to believe that this book still wants to be written.

It is a book, yes about young women. About roles. About society. But I'm hoping that it will be very different than the book I began two years ago. Fewer sides taken, even fewer opinions. More grace, more acceptance and more encouragement.

Whether you already took my survey or not, I would love-love-love to send you a few interview questions via email. The survey has changed (as have you, likely!)

I'll keep you updated on the book and hopefully continue blogging over the next six months. Because, did I forget to mention that I've given myself a six month deadline to have something ready to pitch at She Speaks Conference, 2012?

Yeah. I'm basically terrified.

Terrified of this commitment. Terrified of pitching a book.

If you know anything about pitching books, the publishing industry or how to deal with nervous breakdowns, please contact me!

Also, I'll be writing at Young Ladies Christian Fellowship tomorrow, so stay tuned!

"You have to write the book that wants to be written." -Madeleine L'Engle

Everly

"God Give Us Men"

2012-01-11T11:57:00.000-06:00

{Note: this is not a post about singleness!}

"God give us men. The time demands
Strong minds, great hearts, true faith and willing hands;
Men whom the lust of office does not kill;
Men whom the spoils of office cannot buy;
Men who possess opinions and a will;
Men who have honor; men who will not lie;
Men who can stand before a demagogue
And damn his treacherous flatteries without winking;
Tall men, sun-crowned, who live above the fog
In public duty and in private thinking!
For while the rabble with their thumb-worn creeds,
Their large professions and their little deeds
Mingle in selfish strife; lo! Freedom weeps!
Wrong rules the land, and waiting Justice sleeps!"

J. G. Holland

A prayer found in a collection called "Heart Throbs," published in 1905.

posy + thimble

2012-01-08T08:00:00.000-06:00

In November, I made the spur of the moment decision to purchase a pair of mice. I've always wanted mice...they're so bookish and classic and cute, and now I have some! Two sisters, Posy (blond) and Thimble (gray.)

Would you like to meet them?

Posimus

Does that elephant look frightened to you?

Thimby is shy and more difficult to photograph...

And they're very literary. Of course.

Thanks to Birdie/Fairlight for the photo shoot!

Everly

day-by-day

2012-01-07T19:28:00.003-06:00

Warning:
This post contains confessions about Chicken Helper, Chocolate Chip Waffles and ABC's "Once Upon A Time". Be prepared to judge.

During my week of being "Marmee" I've learned to take things day-by-day. Things have really gone quite smoothly this week, though we do miss our parents very much and I can't say that there haven't been a few moments in which I've looked for them and thought "What am I supposed to do?"

I think one of my best choices this week was to read Willin and Jubilee Aunt Nancy and Old Man Trouble before they went to bed one of the first nights. This is a story about how to stay positive when things go wrong. I love it-clever and cute. Old Man Trouble definitely tries to sneak into Eyrie Park whenever my parents leave, but I think we've kept him away pretty well through prayer, positive attitudes and preparation.

Another choice that I'm very glad I made was to cook every day this week. Actually, today I made curry chicken salad sandwiches for lunch, so that can't really count as cooking. But on the other hand, I plan to cook dinner on Monday, which will mean that I'll cook seven times before my parents get home. Not to mention those chocolate chip waffles...

I have really enjoyed planning meals, gathering ingredients, grocery shopping, posting the menu, cooking, serving (and eating!) this week. It's been fun and made me feel productive. It's something that is necessary yet can be enjoyable when well organized and the whole family gets to enjoy the results. The best thing about this week has been that I've known exactly what my priorities were to be-taking care of the family. I didn't have to wonder if I should schedule in writing or reading or anything else that I normally try to do for myself because I knew that that wasn't my priority. And I (as you can see) have found spare time to write anyway.

{Above: Marmee prepares to leave her daughters in charge of Orchard House while she visits Mr. March in the hospital. I may or may not pretend to be one of the March girls while I take care of Eyrie Park...}

So here's the Day-By-Day of my week, for anyone who is interested:

Monday:
Happenings:
My parents left in the afternoon, flying out of our local airport. That day I took all of the Christmas decorations down, did a lot of cleaning and rearranging and washed all of the sheets. This is also the day that the rabid raccoon met his fate on our deck. I made the Boredom Solution Jars that night.

Cooked:
Baked potatoes, bacon, fixings and salad

Tuesday:
Happenings:
Joey, Sabrina, Donavan, Birdie and Sam all read the instructions for "Diplomacy" while I worked, played, ate, slept and thanked the Lord that I didn't get involved. The game is still not over. Meanwhile, I taught Willin and Jubilee how to play "Battleship." This is a war game that I approve of.

Cooked:
Tortilla Soup with the help of Birdie. Of course, it isn't really tortilla soup at all (we've changed it so much) so we should call it Spicy Vegetable Soup. Plus chicken, in this case. Served with chips and cheese. Yummy!
Donavan also brought two rotten bananas which were married to our one rotten banana in a delicious bread.

Wednesday:
Happenings:
I went to the grocery store twice (forgot to get extra sour cream after some of it was used on left-over potatoes) and cooked, did laundry and probably played games or watched a movie (don't recall.)

Cooked:
Sour Cream Enchiladas, salad, chips. Then Marie Calendar provided us with an apple pie. Blue Bell ice cream tagged along as well...

Thursday:
Happenings:
My parents celebrated 27 years of marriage!
My friend M. came over and helped me cook dinner. She also introduced me to Deanna Durbin movies (which I now love.) I couldn't remember the name all evening and kept calling her Debbie Durrant. Then we ate dinner, talked about life, made no-bake cookies and promised to see each other again before she has to be whisked off to college. It was very nice "taking an evening off." The diplomats focused on the war and I again praised God that I didn't get tied into that days before...

Cooked:
Fettucini Alfredo, spinach and dinner rolls. I'm not going to lie...I had a "helper" with this one. "Chicken Helper." Actually, I was nervous about this because it was my first time to use "Chicken Helper."
But, no shame...no shame!
Also: Birdie made no-bake cookies. Yum!

Deanna Durbin (middle) in "Three Smart Girls"

Friday:
Happenings:
My sisters and I watched "Little Women" which is tradition to be watched with sisters during the Winter. Of course, it was in the 60's outside, but we imagined that it was bleak out. We all got choked up at the right parts and then ranted and raved afterward. Then Jubilee put on a long, plaid nightgown and asked to carry a candle to bed. We, of course, accommodated her.
Also, my wonderful brother-in-law took my younger brothers to the park to rollerblade. This was a huge help!

Cooked:
Baked parmesan tilapia, steamed broccoli and yellow squash and rice. This meal was so easy and successful! And at dinner time, I ruined the healthfulness of this day by giving into my craving for chocolate chip waffles.

Saturday:
Happenings:
Sabrina and Donavan were so kind as to take Jubilee off of my hands for a while. She had a blast getting a banana shake from Sonic, flying a kite in the park, rolling down hills (her hair tells the story) and coloring at their awesome apartment.
I, meanwhile, got to sneak out and meet M. for coffee. Only, neither of us really drink coffee. Smoothie, java shake and conversation were all excellent.

Cooked:
Well, nothing really. But I did whip up some delicious Curry Chicken Salad which we ate on crescent bread. We paired this with dill pickles and lemon iced tea and picnicked on the deck until it got too hot and we came inside. Yes, January 6th and I was sweaty.

Sunday:
~~Happenings~~ Plans:
Church, Beth over to watch at least part of "Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel" (we're on a girl movie kick with Jubilee...she says that "Pride and Prejudice" has to be next!) Then dinner and "Once Upon A Time." Because yes, we watch a show on ABC. It's true. I'm sorry. We know it's dumb but still look forward to it all week. Judge away.

~~Cooked:~~ Supposedly Cooking:
Stir fry with chicken, rice and sauce. Yummy, easy, healthy and did I mention yummy?
This meal is my childhood enemy turned lover.

Monday Again:
Plans:
Chores, babysitting, grocery shopping, cooking, welcoming my parents back at last!

Supposedly Cooking:
Yet to be decided. Any suggestions?

Everly

hello, hello

2012-01-03T19:09:00.000-06:00

Dear You,

My year has gotten off to a wonderful start. I had been feeling negative leading up to New Year's Day, but now I'm feeling like it's going to be a good year after all.

Yesterday, my parents left for a week-long vacation. As usual, everything began to fall apart as they prepared to leave. Our house alarm refused to set and our washer began leaking foam all over the laundry room floor.

Instead of panicking, we chose to laugh at these minor calamities and move on. Since then, both problems have begun working themselves out!

Monday is usually a day of many chores, but I (see also: Woman of the House) had extra responsibilities yesterday. I ended up putting all of our Christmas decorations away, which took several hours of the afternoon. And then, when that was done, I really had to vacuum up all of the plastic pine needles and glitter. And once I'd done that, it wouldn't do to wait any longer to rearrange the living room a little.

I had the big boys roll the piano over to the window. I'm sure this is a big no-no, but this little piano is so ancient and weatherbeaten (not to mention the price I paid for it, $00.00) that I doubt there's anything I could do to harm it. As a matter of fact, Jane is an old woman who'd probably believe in sunshine and fresh air. Anyway, I will enjoy seeing Jubilee playing over there where there's light and "scope for the imagination."

Then Birdie (my mostly companion) helped me carry the old, green table in. We cleaned it up and then couldn't think of anything to put on it. So we decided that, since my mother is sure to redecorate upon her return, we would just consider it Our Table for This Week. We are going to keep this week's menu there, along with a place to vote for meal suggestions. We also are keeping the Boredom Solutions jars there.

What are those, you ask?
Well, after all of the un-decorating, cleaning, rearranging, cooking, laundry and organizing, Birdie and I made Boredom Solution jars for the three littlest ones. There is one jar for the boys (Sam, 13 and Willin 10) and a jar for the little girl (Jubilee, 8) full of little slips of paper, on which we wrote down ideas of things to do. The slips include a variety of things, some of which they are not going to believe I'm letting them do, others which they aren't going to believe I'm telling them to do. (See also: Woman of the House...heehee!)

I'm calling it a game, but I between you-and-I, it's more of a social experiment. The idea is that they will either,

(a) never be bored because they continually reach into the jar for ideas or
(b) never be bored because they keep themselves busy, in fear of being told to reach into the jar.

You see, they could pull out "play on the computer" or "sweep the porch." That's a risk they're going to have to take...if they reach into the jar. And if they're meandering around doing absolutely nothing ("waiting for something to happen" is not considered an activity) then I will direct them to the Boredom Solution jar.

After all, I'm working my tail end off this week and I don't want to have to step over their lazy bones every time I walk down the hall, particularly if I'm carrying a load of laundry.

Of course, the first night my parents are gone, we have a freeze, which means bringing the plants inside and dripping faucets. Oh, and then there was the rabid raccoon...

And of course, we all thought Jubilee was asleep (it was eleven o'clock at night, after all) but no, she witnessed the whole thing. I'm sure she's never seen anything killed before, at least not a mammal. We only kill dangerous animals, and this raccoon was hobbling around our deck, obviously rabid and was even becoming aggressive.

As soon as Joey shot it, he looked up to see Jubilee standing between her curtains, enjoying the view. Luckily, she's pretty tough stuff. I think she's actually proud that she got to be a spectator.

My brother and brother-in-law disposed of our poor little friend in the freezing night and we all fell into bed, quite worn out.

Today was a little calmer (so far!) I made tortilla soup and my brother-in-law came over and made banana bread. The children reached into the jars several times and I've been very pleased with the ratio of chores and "fun things." The boys both rolled with the punches and went along with the "rules" of the "game," however Jubilee seems to have missed the rules from square one. She was ~~surprised~~ horrified to pull out a slip that read "scrub the dining table" and then almost got herself in trouble whenever she later pulled out "straighten the doll room" (Yes, we have a room with such a title.)

After pouting, trying to make deals and explaining to me over and over again how she didn't want to do this "solution," I finally had to dish some scripture at her and send her on her not-so-merry way, reminding her that, jar or no jar, she would straighten the doll room if I asked her to.

She sniffed loudly (in place of tears which I guess she couldn't muster) while she piddled away and then, before I knew it, was done. She reached into the jar and pulled out "dress up as something silly" and her evening went on without a hitch.

Now, I think I'm going to go make a toasted bacon sandwich for myself and think about tomorrow.

How has YOUR 2012 begun?

Everly

15 out of 20

2011-12-28T08:00:00.000-06:00

Goals for 2011:

~~1. Read Scripture aloud more often.~~
I've been doing this during my personal Bible study for the past few days and found it to be really powerful! It helps keep my mind on the word and put the word to memory. The trouble is finding a room without people in it to do such practices, but once I do, it is totally worth it and I find it invigorating!

~~2. Attend Masterpiece Conference.~~
A weekend of worship and workshops for young, Christian women this March. Super excited!

3. Keep up with my penpals.
I'm such a procrastinator, I even procrastinate doing the things I love!

4. Read more.

5. Read more fiction.

6. Practice the piano more.
You know you want to, Everly.

7. Pray at Planned Parenthood.
This one scares me a bit.

~~8. Listen to sermons online.~~
There are so many good ones out there as free podcasts!

9. Practice pottery more and get back in the habit of going to the studio.

~~10. Buy new worship music.~~

~~11. Keep up with the book our small group will be going over.~~

~~12. Take walks.~~

~~13. Keep up my prayer journal.~~
Writing out my prayers has been a really good practice for me. It keeps my head clear, my mind on topic and gives me a record to look back on.

~~14. Cook more often and learn more about cooking.~~

~~15. Do new, fun things with the little kids during lessons.~~

~~16. Renew my license/drive more often/get even more comfortable driving.~~

17. Exercise.
*hesitates to make this goal public*

18. Write.

19. Stay involved in church.

20. Get back to blogging!

thanks on tuesday

2011-12-27T23:01:00.000-06:00

1048. watching "Anne of Green Gables" with Jubilee (her first time.) Watching her eyes light up in the romantic scenes and hearing her predictions...priceless.

1049. the smell of clean laundry as I pull it out of the washer

1050. being caught UP on laundry

1051. taking a drive to the grocery store for some solitary moments. Finding what I need. Getting discounts.

1052. Quick, easy dinners

1053. leaving my kitchen-cleaning days behind me. For the most part. For now.

1054. last night of Advent, candles every where. Sweet time.

1055. looking back with my mother and being able to say that we successfully simplified the holiday season and kept it true to the meaning.

1056. a phone call to a friend

1057. post-Christmas mark-downs

1058. finally taping up that package to take to the post office

1059. the books I got for Christmas...I'm dying to read them. DYING.

1060. A rainy Christmas weekend

1061. sunshine today

1062. my special little cousin receiving a service dog for Christmas

1063. everything I had to celebrate this year

1064. the clean start that is New Years

1065. getting to help my dad with the gift he made for Mommy (pictures to come, perchance.)

Everly

"How shall I know this?"

2011-12-21T18:39:00.000-06:00

{photo credit}

I'm tucked under a throw on my bed when Birdie comes through on her way to her own room. I don't notice her sizing me up until she says, "Are you doing that mouth thing?"

And it is true. I am doing the mouth thing.

I think it comes from a medley of being tired and overwhelmed, usually by information exchange. It also comes with bouts of mild depression. Really, I just get in moods where I feel very serious. I crawl inside my mind and sit quietly, all-the-while listening to much.

And then the mouth thing starts. I get in moods where I don't want to talk...at all. No deep conversation, no light conversation, no words. I just want to keep my mouth shut. As a matter of fact, I don't want to open my mouth at all...for any reason. I find myself going through the day nodding and shaking my head, shrugging my shoulders when need be. It's quite ridiculous, this "mouth thing."

But as silly as it sounds, it isn't a very healthy state. I often find myself talking (mentally) only to myself for long periods of time. Introversion can become egotistical quickly. I also rarely find that these conversations I have with myself are of positive light. I usually end up discussing far-off things of life and death or, more recently, of faith and doubt.

I sit with my lips pursed and ask myself questions, but very rarely do I give an answer. And the questions are too big for one girl. Questions of God and truth and purpose. But then the really bad questions start...the questions that aren't really questions at all, but just lies with a little question mark?

Satan said to the woman:

“Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”

Women are known for being manipulative and persuasive...is it any wonder Satan is depicted as a woman in The Passion of the Christ? He is even more manipulative than Woman and he loves to twist God's words around and add an innocent-looking question mark to the end of God's truth.

But that question mark is far from innocent. As a matter of fact, it is so potent, it can decay the soul. It's called doubt and I suffer chronically.

I am no priest, and I can't say that I walk blamelessly, but Zechariah and I must have a few things in common. He was a good person, seen as faithful and holy to his community. I'm a Christian girl who works at a church. Outsiders think I have a clean record of being holy and good. I fail, but you don't always see it on Facebook.

He is so good, as a matter of fact, that God decides to give he and his elderly wife John The Baptist as a son, saying that John will bring Zechariah and his wife "much joy and gladness" and that he will be filled with The Holy Spirit even from birth, growing up to lead many back to the Lord.

And yet, this good man...this Zechariah of Aaron's line, this holy man, he falls down in fear and says,

"How shall I know this?"

"How shall I know this? How can I know that what you're saying is true? How can I be sure that God is trust-worthy? How is this even possible?"

And Gabriel must have been a little offended, because (after a short pause, I imagine,) he says, "I am Gabriel." (Must he go on?!) "I stand in the presence of God and I was sent to speak to you and bring you the good news."

And this doubt...this questioning of God, you know what it got Zechariah? I shut-up mouth. No voice until the birth of John. That's a long time to have "the mouth thing".

And that's kind of what happens to me. I doubt, I question and I flip outside-in. I take these questions that I should never be asking in the first place and make them like a pingpong ball inside my brain, always bouncing back and forth, never resting.

It's not healthy and it's not for God. It's about listening to lies and asking all the wrong questions. And the irony is, who am I to question Him at all?

Nobody. Nobody at all. So why listen to myself? Why not just open up my mouth and say,

"Behold, I am a servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."

everly

15 Things About Faith

"wisdom, grace, and resignation to the will of God..."

2011-12-20T22:30:00.002-06:00

"...That he should have inward satisfaction in the management of all his outward affairs (Job 22:28): “Thou shalt decree a thing and it shall be established unto thee,” that is, “Thou shalt frame all thy projects and purposes with so much wisdom, and grace, and resignation to the will of God, that the issue of them shall be to thy heart’s content, just as thou wouldst have it to be. Thou shalt commit thy works unto the Lord by faith and prayer, and then thy thoughts shall be established; thou shalt be easy and pleased, whatever occurs,Prov. 16:3. This the grace of God shall work in thee; nay, sometimes the providence of God shall give thee the very thing thou didst desire and pray for, and give it thee in thy own way, and manner, and time. Be it unto thee even as thou wilt.” When at any time an affair succeeds just according to the scheme we laid, and our measures are in nothing broken, nor are we put upon new counsels, then we must own the performance of this promise, Thou shalt decree a thing and it shall be established unto thee. “Whereas now thou complainest of darkness round about thee, then the light shall shine on thy ways;” that is, “God shall guide and direct thee, and then it will follow, of course, that he shall prosper and succeed thee in all thy undertakings. God’s wisdom shall be thy guide, his favour thy comfort, and thy ways shall be so under both those lights that thou shalt have a comfortable enjoyment of what is present and a comfortable prospect of what is future,” Ps. 90:17.

Matthew Henry's Commentary

...and other things that make up my unusual life

2011-12-19T23:34:00.000-06:00

Jubilee on a cold day (photo credit due to Birdie)

{Things aren't always pleasant at Eyrie Park.

That isn't to say that a day has gone by when I didn't have much to be thankful for, but we are not a perfect family and we do not lead perfect lives. I just wanted to remind you of that. And remind myself that this is okay. And do a bit of late-night rambling.}

For starters, you may have noticed that I have not posted a deep thought and beautiful collection of photographs for every day of Advent this year. You hadn't noticed? Well, maybe that's because you're expectations of me are healthy and my expectations of me are silly.

photo by Pops

You may have also noticed that my family has been recognizing Advent this year. The rumors are true. I am proud to say that every available member of the family (which isn't always the same number) has gathered for devotions and discussion every day of Advent so far. We've read books, talked, lit candles, hung ornaments and prayed together. This is a success.

We've had a lot of warm fires and typically fickle weather. (It was 70 degrees today but when the sun went down, we still lit the fire and toasted marshmallows.) We've had some movie nights and games around the table that gets moved into the middle of the living room to make way for the Christmas tree. It's amazing how moving a table can make people want to deal cards.

Mumsy is the official instructions reader.

We've also had some stress and tension. One family member who often makes it her goal to toss wrenches into the gears has begun doing this more openly lately. There have been stressful moments and avoided topics and sighs of "what are we going to do now?" There have been prayers for resolution. There have been fights. There have been moments of peace and quiet and moments of fragility. This isn't something I enjoy writing on the prayer request board because I find it hard to explain, but your prayers for my sister and my parents and the rest of the clan would be coveted.

If you're actually curious about what I've been up to, I will tell you. I've been feeding the neighbor's pets while they were at Disney World. I've been copying scripture into my journal and keeping my own words inside. I've been listening to the squeak of the mouse wheel. I've been watching Iron Chef. I've been poring over Christmas cards. I've been rather lazy in the normal things. I've been loving falling in bed at night. I've been laying in bed and looking at the moonlight. I've been having sibling-conferences about parent-gifts. I've been dreaming of writing letters. I've been worrying...about a lot of stuff. I've been watching a cold travel between family members and never leave the house. I've been eating up sermons. I've been shopping at the mall and Toys R Us (which I don't like) and grocery shopping (which I do, unless I'm rushed.)

Eyrie Park, 12-13-2011

I threw a really wonderful party with the help of Birdie. She made amazing dessert and amazing paper snowflakes. I made plans and paper chains. I was, of course, really last-minute with everything, so it ended up being a family-effort to get the party together before the guests showed up. The guests were wonderful. Just a very few close friends who can laugh at anything. There was chili, rice and cornbread (even my gluten-free friend could partake!) and sparkling grape juice, s'mores and Christmas candy. There were writer-ish games and fireside conversation and a piano concert by the lovely Jubilee. Everyone was wowed and she beamed. I was very satisfied.

Anyway, that's my unofficial Christmas card. I hope it wasn't too mellow. It's the real me, at this real moment. Tell me about you now. Please?

everly

of thanks

2011-12-19T22:12:00.001-06:00

1040. a little sister who washes my laundry and makes dinner while I'm out
1041. Jubilee's piano compositions
1042. our "homemade Christmas" party and the wonderful ladies in attendance
1043. lots of laughter over sparkling grape juice
1044. fair-trade s'mores :)
1045. writer-ly games
1046. late-night conversations with friends on Christmas break
1047. praying friends

she really did get married...

2011-12-14T14:07:00.001-06:00

Just didn't know if y'all would believe me without pictures!
everly

our favorite books for Advent

2011-12-13T06:00:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year and I finally have a name for it: Advent. I posted about my family's Advent experience on Friday and thought you might enjoy this short list to go along. I've always enjoyed this season of anticipating Christmas, and there have always been special books that mark that season for me, but this year we've added a few new ones as well. Perhaps I'll add more throughout the season...

The Advent Jesse Tree by Dean Lambert Smith

We are using this a little here-and-there along with Ann's Advent devotional. So far, we really, really like it. It has two parts for each day-one for children and one for adults. We read both.

One Wintry Night by Ruth Bell Graham

This is a beautiful story, simple yet truthful. The illustrations are anything but simple...absolutely breath-taking. Long enough to read in chapters.

Saint Nicholas: The Real Story of the Christmas Legend by Julie Stiegemeyer

Just because I'm not too interested in Santa Clause doesn't mean that Saint Nicholas wasn't an amazing (real-life) man. This short children's books teaches us about him with lovely illustrations.

Christmas Day in the Morning by Pearl S. Buck

My favorite new-to-us Christmas book! The story seems at first too simple to be meaningful, but then it wows you. A story more about love than anything.

Everly

{the least i can do is list}

2011-12-12T18:43:00.001-06:00

1026. finding passages of scripture that it seems like I've never read before

1027. Adorable A. sleeping long enough for me to read Zechariah

1028. being done with my Saint Lucia's Day shopping a few days early!

1029. brown paper, rubber stamps, gold and red ink, twine

1030. calling my grandmother and interviewing her about our Swedish ancestors for this post

1031. an "Elf" themed party at Sabrina and Donavan's

1032. goodies, decor, prizes, games, coloring books and a movie

1033. cool, cloudy days

1034. Jubilee reading her part for the Christmas performance

1035. driving to the neighbor's when it's chilly

1036. making invitations with Birdie to hand-deliver to friends who have already RSVPd!

1037. mama's family tree book

1038. good medicine and instant communication while my cousin's in the hospital

1039. Sabrina reading aloud to Birdie and I

Saint Lucia's Day

2011-12-12T09:33:00.000-06:00

The sky was black over Stockholm when Emma Christine crept out of her bedroom behind her sisters. They tiptoed downstairs in their nightgowns, holding candles to light the way to the kitchen. Amanda took her candle and lit the wall fixtures while the other girls opened the cupboards with silent caution and pulled out canisters of sugar and flour, the jar of yeast and a worn old recipe book. With the candles flickering all around, they set to work. Finally, the sweet rolls were golden-brown and cooling on the tray. The sun leaked into the kitchen window and the sisters glanced at one another with giddy anticipation. The eldest daughter gracefully knelt down as Emma crowned her. How Emma looked forward to the day she would wear that crown of evergreen! The white candles stood tall atop her head and looked beautiful once they were lit. Emma handed her sister the tray of rolls and the careful procession began. Up the stairs, down the hall to Mr. and Mrs. Karlson’s bedroom and then to the brothers until everyone had been served.

Continue reading at YLCF?

Everly

A Pleasant Advent-ure

2011-12-09T11:19:00.001-06:00

"In Which the Pleasant Family Discovers Advent"

My mother was in her chair in the living room, laptop on her lap and stacks of books at her feet when she looked up at me with an expression of desperation.
“I’m too Protestant for this!” she cried.

Continue reading YLCF?

one-thousand-and-one

2011-12-06T17:30:00.001-06:00

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7:11 ESV

1001. cold coming back

1002. yellow leaves

1003. a place at the hearth

1004. glowing pinecones

1005. burn ban suspended

1006. dumplings with peas

1007. chili with rice

1008. string games

1009. the ornament of the day

1010. three journals open on the pine table

1011. Birdie's photos

1012. the entire family, all eleven of us, gathered for an Advent devotional

1013. faces lit by this glowing wreath

1014. hearts lit by this warm read-aloud

1015. questions, big and small

1016. crazy wonder at Eden, ark, Abraham's faith...

1017. "yes" to stop and see, slow down and spend time with me?

1018. games, crafts, conversation, laughter, food and other good things which are attracted to crackling fireplaces

1019. driving to work and the bank "all by myself"

1020. the nice bank lady who understood my mistake (I would like numbers if numbers liked me!)

1021. the variety of little packages, snug under the (new!) Christmas tree

1022. "yes" to party invites

1023. fresh eggs from local family

1024. a creative cd, singing us through the Jesse Tree

1025. a new Christmas favorite

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."
James 1:17 NKJ

everly

12 steps to heaven

2011-11-29T19:07:00.000-06:00

This morning I roll over to see Jubilee standing by my bed. Only, my eyes are too tired to really see her...I just know she's there.

"I had a strange dream." She says, as if we're in the middle of a conversation.

Not a bad dream, per-say, but can she lie in bed with me for a while?

She dreamed that I went up to heaven on a flight of twelve invisible stairs. She says I just really wanted to go to heaven, so I did. Though I didn't exactly die, it made Jubilee very sad to see me walk up those stairs into forever.

In the dark, under the covers, next to her warm little body, I have half a mind to ignore this silly dream, but something pricks me as odd. Little Jubilee, dreaming that dream...it's almost like she knows. Almost like she knows that there have been times...lately, when I've wished that there were just twelve easy steps to a land of "no more sorrow, no more tears."

I believe that I am on my way to Heaven, but I am an impatient soul. I want to find that staircase and run up it, two steps at a time. I don't want pain, I don't want trials and I don't want anymore fog. I want clear skies and clarity and God sitting in front of me, holding my hands saying, "Daughter, let me explain."

But that's not the way. That's not the way to heaven. It's through faith not fear that we climb the stairs. Through faith I came to know God and through faith I'll see His face and faith will keep me on this earth until "the fullness of time" and I'll let Him be the judge of that.

My fear says that I'm done with this. I'm done with pain, I'm done with unanswered questions. I'm done with sorrow and friction and not one perfect thing in this world, no not one. I'm done with things not lining up, matching up, working. I'm tired of all this rotten, malfunctioning society. I'm tired and I'm only nineteen.

But my faith, that small little seed in me, it says move forward, Everly. Move forward and you'll see. Move toward the light and you'll find the stairs that go up, up, up to the perfect. Up to the good, the holy, the source of all love. Up to the harmony, the beauty, the clarity. You will find it before all your faith is spent. He will carry you all the way home.

Jubilee snuggles up under my comforter and tells me that she's glad it isn't true, glad that I didn't want to go to heaven so badly that I just walked up the stairs forever. I tell her I'm glad too, she doesn't have to be afraid, she can sleep here until it's time to get up.
We both feel a lot better about the day we're about to face.

Everly

Note: Please do not think that this post indicates that I am or have been suicidal. I do not struggle with thoughts or suicide or even depression, merely discontentment with this Satan-stricken planet. I long for Heaven because it is my home, not because I see my current life as purposeless or hopeless. Thank you for your understanding! I am actually quite happy, especially with Jubilee nearby...

the first thousand

2011-11-28T11:32:00.001-06:00

991. hearing Mema speak truth to someone over the phone, "He's thrown it as far as the East is from the West." We all need that truth and someone to speak it into us.

992. Jubilee and her baby hamsters, Lola and Lotta

993. beautiful, Thanksgiving weather

994. the fact that, as an American, I am "the 1%"

995. deep sleep

996. forgiving friends

997. stars over a late-night errand with Joey

998. Daddy's butterflies

999. Kenyan postage stamps

1,000. a God who gives me the opportunity to praise Him, even though I'll never praise enough, count all the gifts or worship in adequate reverence. That this effort is enough, with all His love in the gaps.

the tie that binds

2011-11-24T05:00:00.000-06:00

Every year at Thanksgiving, my family joins hands and sings the first verse of this hymn. Or at least, those of us who actually know the words. (I point no fingers!)
It really is beautiful and I love that my family has made this a tradition...

"Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love;
The fellowship of kindred minds
Is like to that above.

Before our Father’s throne
We pour our ardent prayers;
Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one
Our comforts and our cares.

We share each other’s woes,
Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear.

When we asunder part,
It gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart,
And hope to meet again.

This glorious hope revives
Our courage by the way;
While each in expectation lives,
And longs to see the day.

From sorrow, toil and pain,
And sin, we shall be free,
And perfect love and friendship reign
Through all eternity."

Serving and Savoring

2011-11-23T10:55:00.001-06:00

"Over the years, my family has celebrated Thanksgiving in a variety of ways. There was the year that my dad’s job had us commuting back and forth from our home in Central Texas to an apartment in Hartford, Connecticut. We ate turkey sandwiches at a rest stop (and didn’t mind one bit, if I recall)."

Read the rest of this post at Young Ladies Christian Fellowship!

Everly

outside of me

2011-11-22T13:01:00.001-06:00

You've heard people say it:
"You need to look outside of yourself."

This basically means, "stop being so self-absorbed and help out around here!"

But, this is a very helpful piece of advice, for me. Yes, I need to make selfless decisions. I will try. But also, it is useful to learn how to step outside of oneself and turn around to see what you really look like.

I've been kind of stressed, emotional, confused lately. Had little bouts of depression and one big bout of lack-of-motivation. During these times, though I am generally very expressive, I tend to go inside my mind...and get stuck. It's part of being an introvert and it's not healthy. It has helped, during this times, to "look outside of myself" so to speak. Obviously, stop being so self-centered, but other ways as well:

1. Give myself advice
I've been able to think clearer when I imagine that I am someone else, coming to me with this problem. (Confusing, right?) I think, "If I was a friend of mine, what would I tell her to do? How would I perceive this? What would I recommend?" It is kind of genius.

2. Pray for myself
This may seem like we're back to being self-centered, but I disagree. We are supposed to pray for ourselves, I believe. However, I have found that when I am so upset I don't even know what the pray (my emotions are clouding my thoughts) I can imagine that I am looking at myself and praying for that girl. I can pray that whatever she is going through would pass, that she would find clarity, that she would look to God for hope. That's what I would pray if it was my friend going through this...why not pray it for me?

3. Step into someone else's shoes
When dealing with conflict, we are often told to put ourselves in the other person's place. Well, this is a tried and true practice which I am recommending to myself. Inside my head, I see everything that I think and feel. The other person sees only what I express (which is oftentimes crazy-nutso emotions.) By putting myself in the other person's shoes, I often see that 1. I'm not making any sense, 2. I'm being unfair and 3. there's something I could do to make things more clear and peaceful.

I hope this doesn't make me out to be a loon. Let me just step outside of myself and see...yup! I'm a loon!

Everly

thankful in each season:

2011-11-21T17:20:00.001-06:00

971. seeing Samuel turn 13, remembering when he was so little..."my first baby brother"

972. his friends staying and playing and laughing and not being too old for "cops and robbers"

973. the way I never have to question God's faithfulness, but if I do, He is faithful to answer

974. missions luncheon, discussing adoption and foster care. So neat to see adopted kids connect, adoptive parents meet kindred spirits.

975. Sabrina-just a phone call away

976. Adorable A. teaching me baby sign-language

977. Romans 8

978. Sunday's sermon: on gratitude

979. flu shots at home

980. M's commitment to her Compassion child

981. a week of no "out of house" activities

982. just letting go of "lessons" in order to focus on Advent

983. my mom and sisters carrying dinner to heart-aching neighbors

984. Jubilee, admiring the doll she's not keeping

985. peanut-butter and honey sandwich on the run

986. sweet text message from the brother-in-law

987. two little mice I bought at the pet store-so cute and sweet!

988. evenings spent in hammocks, reading and rocking under the trees

989. leaves finally falling, even if it is still in the 80's out there...

990. going to play at Sabrina's house :)

interview

2011-11-20T22:44:00.001-06:00

Hey folks,

I am sorry to see that none of my writing from this week has made it to Clickety-Clack. I've had a lot on my mind and a lot on my plate, but there should be more action here very soon! Until then, I wanted to direct y'all over to the Young Ladies Christian Fellowship where I was interviewed recently. Who knows, maybe you'll learn something new about me! Leave a comment either here or there. Don't leave a comment neither here nor there...that would hurt my feelings.

everly

p.s. I learned that I sure like having an editor! ;)

no matter what

2011-11-15T18:46:00.001-06:00

Let me say it (to me) again: no matter what, I will always have much to be thankful for.

947. a wet day

948. all of the things I complain about not having a place for---abundance

950. brother-in-law giving me a ride home from work

951. lunch provided

952. clocking out at last

953. coffee plans with my old friend K. G.

954. chatting with M. on Facebook

955. a gift from the ladies I do childcare for...a bag with Lamentations 3:22 on it

956. free laundry service via Mama

967. a good conversation with my dad over hot tea

968. his understanding when I start to cry...over pretty much everything

969. no chocolate milk for about a week...am I really gonna be a grown up now?

970. a seahorse in a coffee can

everly

true story

2011-11-09T15:10:00.000-06:00

I've been contemplating the purpose of fiction and the truth in parables. I have a deep love for novels, stories and fairy tales, yet I sometimes doubt their vitality to our world. I am fighting this doubt, however, and learning to truly appreciate fictional pieces as much as non-fictional. In order to practice this, I want to practice writing stories. However, I am going to practice on true stories first. I am hoping to write three true stories on my blog within the next couple of weeks or so, just for fun. True stories that happened to me. It isn't a fairy tale, but I'm hoping it will warm up the fairy tale cells in my brain and lead to some truth-filled fiction. We'll see. Anyway, without further adieu, The Story Of Everly and The Club.

It was a busy morning in the nursery and moms were running late. We had already herded our kittens into the play room when three stragglers showed up. Luckily, I had brought the sign-in sheet along in my smock pocket and I quickly squiggled their names onto the roll. A very shy little girl teetered in while her mother warned me of her nervous tendency. A boy was peeled off of his mother and deposited over the half-door without a little struggle and then little L. marched in, her striped sweater slumping off her shoulder. She headed right for the toy shelf while her mother signed the sheet. Looking up from the list of names, L's mother caught my eye: "What do you have going on tonight?" She asked pointedly.

I hesitated for a fragment of a second. "I...don't think I have anything going on!" I announced. It was the first Thursday of the month and I'd almost forgotten. The past two months I had written it on my calendar, but this month it had slipped my mind. And this month, for the first time since I'd heard of the local writer's group, I had nothing going on Thursday night. Except now I did. I had to make it to that meeting.

As the hour neared, I tried to convince myself that I shouldn't go. I have an issue with never wanting to attend an event when the time comes. I tried to worm my way out of it, but-to my chagrin-everything went off without a hitch. Before I knew it, I was in the backseat of my mom's car, rolling up under the overhang of a local church.

"Do you want us to come in with you...help you find the room?" My mom asks.

I say no, I can do it. I have the room number written down on a slip of grocery list in my pocket. That's my other problem-forgetting numbers. And forgetting to text when I get to the room (sorry Mumsy!)

Walking down the hall, I can hear the murmur of voices...could those be writer's voices? I see the open door (blocking the room number) and the table of women. They're shuffling through papers and twirling pens. This must be the place.

At this point I forget to text my mother and sheepishly poke my head through the doorway. "Is this...a writer's group?" I falter.

I am met with friendly faces, nodding "yes" and beckoning me inside. I took a seat next to a woman with blue eyeshadow, stocking feet pulled up on her chair. It's a children's Sunday School room we're meeting in and for a moment the bright posters distract me. L's mom is running late, having a previous engagement. I settle into my seat and pull out my journal, jotting things that hear.

I am thankful when they begin to introduce themselves, passing me the sticky pad of name tags. I'm last, my voice less confident than I had hoped. I tell them that I blog and want to write books someday and nervously slide someone my business card when they want this url.

The meeting continued and I enjoyed every minute, every introduction. We critiqued great works of sisters sitting next to us and illuminated the accomplishments. Then we spoke prayer requests and wrote them down for the remembering. I felt honored to hear them and humbled by the vastness of their challenges.

Then, before I knew it, it was time to go and I had been invited to the Christmas party. Remind me on December first that I do in fact want to attend.

Everly

grace.upon.grace.upon.grace.

2011-11-07T12:17:00.000-06:00

937. a room full of writers (hadn't experienced that since She Speaks!)

938. acceptance, advice, encouragement, wisdom

939. "A positive perspective requires much more than simply seeing the glass as half full; it requires seeing the glass overflowing with God’s love, grace, joy, and peace." Jan Coates

940. "Faith does not eliminate questions, but faith does know where to take them." Elisabeth Elliot

941."Remember, sinner, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee–it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee–it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that is the instrument–it is Christ’s blood and merits; therefore, look not to thy hope, but to Christ, the source of thy hope." Charles Spurgeon

942. God Heals

943. making the team

944. successful, emergency surgery on our dear pastor and the knowledge that there are many praying for his recovery

945. getting to watch my married sister respect and honor her husband (most don't have such good examples in their peers)

946. seat warmers

15 things about faith

2011-11-06T23:52:00.001-06:00

"fist steps" : Vincent Van Gogh

I recently did a study on faith. After 19 years in the church, I had gotten myself confused. What is faith? Religion? Trust? Why do we need it? For salvation? For peace? How do we get it? I wasn't sure. I decided to turn to The Bible (I recommend this practice) and here is what I jotted in my journal that day:

1. faith stems from humility (Luke 7)

2. we are sanctified by faith (Acts 26:18)

3. to be righteous is to live by faith (Romans 1:17)

4. faith comes from hearing (and hearing through the word of Christ) (Romans 10:17)

5. faith and love go hand-in-hand (1 Corinthians 16:13)

6. we are justified by faith (Galatians 2:16)

7. faith is a shield which protects us from the darts of satan (Ephesians 6:16)

8. Christ dwells in us through our faith (Ephesians 3:14-21)

9. when our faith is tested, we grow strong (James 1:3)

10. without faith, we should not expect our prayers to be answered (James 1:7)

11. faith should always lead to action (and is therefore made complete by works) (James 2:14)

12. we are guarded by our faith (1 Peter 1:5)

13. faith gives us the ability to resist temptation (1 Peter 5:9)

14. we must fight to keep the faith (Jude 1:3)

15. faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things unseen (Hebrews 11:1)

About Abraham, the apostle Paul said this:

"No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised."

Romans 4:20-21

He grew strong in faith as he gave glory to God...this part brought tears to my eyes. May I comprehend faith the way Abraham did.

Everly

exciting news

2011-11-04T16:47:00.003-05:00

Well everyone, I've got some exciting news. I am happy to announce that I am the newest member of the Young Ladies Christian Fellowship writing team. YLCF was the first blog I ever read (back in 2006 or 2007) and it is an honor to be writing for them now.

Stop over and see me there sometime! Of course, I'll still be writing here as well.

Also--go check out their current blog carnival. Link up to a post on your own blog about your passion and enter to win some awesome prizes! (That's the one-and-only downside of being on the team...I'm not longer eligible to win prizes!)

Anyway, I just wanted y'all to be able to celebrate with me!

Thanks for all of your support and encouragement that have brought me to this point.

Everly

counting to enough

2011-11-02T23:31:00.000-05:00

When I woke up on Monday morning, I slung my laptop up onto my bed and rushed to see if it had worked. Yes-there was the anticipated post, published on a "real" website. It looked polished and official (even if my profile picture didn't ever show up) and made me smile. The best part of all-a little blue bubble reading "1 Comment".

I resolved, right then-and-there, that this one comment was enough. Somewhere, a woman named Stacey had read my words and approved. Somewhere, someone was pleased because of that one little post, and so why couldn't I be pleased with that one little comment?

I could, I told myself I could.

Throughout the day, I was blessed to read more comments (I didn't expect so many of them to involve the word "tears"!) and thanked God for each one of them. It was a sweet day, filled with the feeling of being loved. Yet, at the end of the day, I wondered how to count. I've always struggled with the adding and the subtracting, the digits and amounts and figures. I never seem to find the right sum and usually give up before given the chance to fail. I'm just not good with math, so when I lie in bed that night and the number of comments seems to be typed on the inside of my eyelids, I wonder what really counts. What does it sum up to?

Is it less than I wanted? More than I expected? Much more than I deserved?
And does it matter one bit?

I think back to that first comment and how it turned my cloud of down comforter into Cloud 9. I think about how when I counted to one, I had counted to enough.

I see the words of Mother Teresa:

"If you can't feed a hundred people then just feed one."

It's pretty simple, really. Give what you can and it will be worth it.

A few months ago, I had thought of the moms who have looked at me and asked if their daughters will ever be where I am. I want to tell them that it was no special training method or parenting book which brought me to this place, and that inside I'm just as messed up and patched up as any radically redeemed soul. Yes, I threw fits just as loud and lied and cried and argued and rebelled and disobeyed and refused wise advice. Yes, I was there and no, I'm not anymore, but that doesn't mean that you're failing and it sure doesn't mean you're a failure.

I wrote that post because those moms look like martyrs on the mission field of the home, and all they want is for those young souls to grow old in Jesus and know that they are loved. That the love of Christ and the love of mom and dad add up to more than enough.

That was all I had. My sister asked me if I was going to submit anything else and I tell her honestly that that was my only idea. I saw all those moms growing weary and I didn't want to see them give up. I saw my own mama, tired at the end of the day and I didn't want her to think that I was more interested in the Internet than in her eternal gift to me. So I had a handful of words, five loaves and two fish, and I hit "submit."

The week of Sabrina's wedding, I forgot to check my email and the sweet ladies from (In)Courage must've thought me very arrogant to not write back when they said with much grace that yes-they'd like to copy and paste my heart onto their beautiful Good Newsfeed. Sabrina's on her honeymoon when I scroll through the messages and go on an adrenaline trip. Is it true? And will they ever forgive me for being two weeks late? I laugh and cry and apologize and they let me into The Cool Club anyway.

Weeks pass and then there it is, right there on my computer screen (could it have been on yours too? I wonder.) And the comment says she likes it. And that adds up to enough. That adds up to He did it. That adds up to one mom encouraged and my goal is reached.

Yet I watch, bewildered, and He multiplies.

He has mercy on me and each morning it is new and he multiplies and multiplies and multiplies and when I think that He has done enough for this little girl who didn't know if anyone was hungry enough for her measly fish and loaves, she sees satisfaction and twelve baskets left over.

I wonder if any of us are really any good at counting. Is it the hits we're to add? The comments? Is it the shares and retweets? I hope not.

I look in my basket and see that there is yet one more fish and one more loaf for me. I can share it with one hungry soul. If their hunger is appeased, then that is enough. If He multiplies, that is abundance.

Everly

where to begin?

2011-11-01T14:07:00.000-05:00

a day late...

925. being allowed to share my heart on (In)Courage yesterday. I worried I wouldn't be able to encourage moms before I ever was a mom, but my God is able.

926. sweet commenters, taking the time to encourage me

927. talking to my wise brother, gaining advice and encouragement (I guess God knew I needed some encouragement this week!)

928. my dad's invention-finally, officially patented! This is a huge, HUGE answer to prayers. Have I mentioned that my God is able?

929. sweet time with M., chatting over a latte and some cocoa

930. the way she perseveres to serve her friends and family, even when it's not easy

931. hellos from friends at church as a wait for a ride, really brightening my day in a big way

932. seeing one of my "little friends" from the nursery at the grocery store

933. hearing that Beth is doing well and finding her purpose during her time in Haiti

934. watching Sam, Willin and Jube enjoy their fizzy, "mad scientist drinks"

935. having someone to get up early with (sorry about that, Birdie! But hey-we made it!)

936. sweet mom of Adorable A., asking about how I'm doing

Oh, how I could go on. He is able, He is good. And He loves us, can't you tell?

Everly

This is Your Daughter Speaking

2011-10-31T09:52:00.002-05:00

Hi Mom.

I can tell you’re a little surprised to see me here.

Perhaps that’s because, until now, you thought I could only do two things: eat and cry. Or perhaps you’re surprised I followed you here, since lately I seem interested in anything except what you say and do. Or perhaps you even thought I’d forgotten about you, all the way out there in “the real world”.

Well, no matter what you’re thinking, I want to share a few things with you...

(please continue reading over at (In)Courage today!)

Hello, I'm an introvert.

2011-10-30T15:44:00.000-05:00

I thought my title kind of clever...the idea of an introvert introducing herself with such boldness. It defies the stereotype, but then again-many introverts do.

What we aren't:

1. Shy

Well, some of us are and some of us are not. It doesn't really have much to do with introversion. As a child, I was very shy. Now, I can still be shy. I have bouts of shyness depending on my circle and tend to be quiet in large groups (though less and less over the years.) Among friends, I'm talkative. When I tell them that I consider myself and introvert (100%) they are shocked. Being an introvert does not make you shy. My dad is one of the most amiable, friendly people in the world who makes everyone he meets feel at ease. He's also an introvert who chooses tinkering at Eyrie Park over most anything.

2. Underexposed

We are not introverts because we weren't put in social situations, we are introverts because of our innate personality. I do not accredit my introversion to being home-schooled or living out in the country. I don't accredit another person's extroversion to public education or city-life. I simply do not think that these experiential, circumstantial parts of lives are the root of whether or not we turn out as an introverted or extroverted being.

3. Hermits

Introverts don't hate people and actually love their friendships. Introverts, in my experience, tend to have small, close circles of friends. We don't have large, outer rings of varying levels of friendships and tend to hang-out in casual settings. Introverts can be very hospitable. Likewise, they can enjoy coming over to your house (don't be afraid to ask us!) or meeting for lunch or coffee. We also enjoy true social situations such as parties, get-togethers, reunions and church events. However, in my experience, we dread the event just before it happens. I am rarely "in the mood" to go anywhere when it is really time to go. Once I get there, I enjoy myself and laugh at my former negativity, but leaving the comfort of one's home for the unpredictable world at large is often unappealing.

What we are:
Energized by time alone, drained by social interaction.

This is the best way I've ever heard it explained and the past few years have proven this evidently in my own life. When I have been around people for a while or even just had one, long conversation with another person, I have a certain kind of tiredness arise inside me that is overwhelming. I am drained, exhausted, used up. I want to go to sleep or watch a silly movie or stare out the window and ponder nothingness.

Introverts are typically sensitive and become overstimulated by much (or little, depending on the person) conversation, interaction or information.

A bit of advice for introverts:

1. Let yourself wind down.
Just do it. Take a nap. Watch a movie. Stare into space. It's better to take this time to revamp your mind than to make yourself keep going until you crash. It is not wasted time.

2. Say "no."
You don't have to go to everything you're invited to, even if you technically have time. You don't have time to kill yourself over birthday parties. People would rather you attend and enjoy or not attend at all. Attending as a zombie, unless it is a Halloween party, rarely adds to the fun.

3. Take information holidays.
Unplug the computer and stop taking so much in. We have access to too much. Try to spend more time reading complete thoughts rather than tweets of information, but do close that thick book from time-to-time too and let your brain breathe. Engage in more one-on-one conversations and letter writing than large-group small talk. Just like eating, watch your diet and be careful of the portions you're taking in.

Above all, don't judge. I'm an introvert. What are you?

Everly

peeking out

2011-10-29T15:10:00.000-05:00

I am still here.

As a matter of fact, I am on my bed, under a pile of blankets. It is somewhat chilly here and I'm having a case of The Saturdays. On Saturdays, I don't like to leave the comfort of this fluffy pile. As a matter of fact, it rarely seems like a good idea on any morning of the week.
I like it here.

I've felt like this a lot lately...like I don't want to leave the comfort of my burrow. Even before the temperatures began to drop, I was turning inward. Several social events in a row sent me into an exhausted weekend and then the Internet began to have the same effect on me. I would log on and find myself scrambling to log off, jump under my covers and take a snooze.

What was happening, you might ask? Nothing out of the ordinary. No, I don't have a disorder and I don't have a phobia. I'm an introvert.

Something you may not expect is that those social events I mentioned were actually quite enjoyable. I signed up, RSVPd, showed up, stayed late, all because it was something I wanted to do. Nobody made me go. And while I was there, I visited, participated, introduced myself and laughed. I was not frozen with shyness or crippled with fear.

But the moment I left, the moment my dad pulled up and opened the door and I slid into my shotgun seat, I melted into a puddle of utter exhaustion. I didn't want to talk or think. I didn't want to go anywhere for a week. I wanted to hibernate.

And when I would pop open my laptop and accomplish a few things, I would close it and think that I didn't want to read another article or blog post all Winter. I didn't want to see another tweet or Facebook status, watch another Youtube video or view another Hipstamatic upload until the wildflowers bloomed. Seriously.

So I hibernated for a while and I'm out again now to stretch my legs (because really-it isn't all bad) but while I'm here, I wanted to talk about the reason behind my running away. I wanted to tell a bit about what it's like to be an introvert so that extroverts can understand and my kindred spirits can shake the shame and learn to be comfortable with their personality type.

Because that's what it is-a personality. A gift from God, woven into your nature. Not an issue, not a disorder, not a result of your upbringing.

Next up: What I Want You To Know About Being An Introvert + links
(ahem...title pending.)

Everly

look out

2011-10-26T16:34:00.001-05:00

Look out for more posts soon! I have a lot (of good stuff) on my mind! Stick with me!

Thanks, Everly

(p.s. don't I just have the cutest little sister eva?)

much

2011-10-24T16:46:00.001-05:00

901. merciful timing

902. Tuesday rejuvenation

903. watching "Wives and Daughters" with Birdie

904. mail carrier delivering chunky letters from Belton

905. and a magazine to review

906. and a new outfit

907. international cook-out and all the wonderful people I met

908. visiting with folks from Korea, Japan, Vietnam, India and China over hotdogs

909. the way you can communicate the same way with every baby, no matter where they're from

910. the reminder that I am very blessed to simply live in the same country as my family

911. a connect-night with women in my church, making crafts and eating dessert

912. post-small group chat with a good friend

913. the people and my community who have responded with support and forgiveness after a tragic crime was reported

914. the way God knew this was going to happen and will. bring. good. out of it

915. going to sleep knowing that my family is safe and healthy

916. two published articles* and much sweet support

917. dinner with a good friend at what we call Korean Burger :)

918. getting to see the women's college choir perform---beautifully!

919. cooler evenings, here and there

920. hearing Jubilee narrate her games

921. chocolate spagetti from Seattle (yes-you read that correctly)

922. Sunday afternoon naps

923. Sunday evening Mexican dinner with just my parents and I

924. sitting on a hill, picking flowers with Adorable A.

*First one published here and the next one will be here on the 31st...much grace!

counting that which counts

2011-10-17T20:17:00.002-05:00

891. my cousin's successful surgery on Friday

892. fun conversations with my equally nerdy brother

893. watching Sam grow up, when I used to wonder if he'd ever see this country

894. driving to the grocery store all by myself!

895. filling drawers Sabrina left empty

896. fancy smoothies courtesy of Birdie while sitting on the bed (at this moment!)

897. sitting on the steps with Adorable A. in the sunny breeze

898. reading while she sleeps

899. the dog's tiny front paws, up on my bed as if to say "please pet me!"

900. new ideas

i'm that morning cloud

2011-10-15T22:55:00.000-05:00

I come to the Lord daily.

I seem like a pretty good Christian.

Sometimes I write my prayers in my journal, spend long ammounts of time in scripture or even cry.

Today I prayed that He would clear my mind and heart. I felt confused, discouraged and had a hunch that I was missing something.

My reading plan has landed me in Hosea. I don't think I'd ever read this passage before:

"Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;

his going out is sure as the dawn;

he will come to us as the showers,

as the spring rains that water the earth."

Hosea 6:3

The words "press on to know the LORD" really struck me. Do I press toward Him?
I continued to read. Of us, Hosea said:

"Your love is like a morning cloud,

like the dew that goes early away."

6:4b

Of the Lord:

"I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice,

the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."

6:6

Ouch. Is that me I'm looking at?
Love that comes and goes like a cloud? Love that fades throughout the day?

Did I think I was supposed to try to please God with my sacrifices? Were my hours in scripture, tears over a prayer journal supposed to impress Him? Induce pity from Him?
Is my love steadfast at all?

I'm rethinking things. How do you put love in action...to a God who needs nothing? Why was I even invited into this Kingdom in the first place?

Everly

snapshots of home life and learning

2011-10-13T12:27:00.000-05:00

As always...click to enlarge!

Bumper sticker says: "My child doesn't need validation from a bumper sticker".

choose the risk, choose the risk, choose the risk

2011-10-11T18:32:00.001-05:00

Sitting in the sunlight which is streaming through my very own room, I write a letter. I am enjoying the twittering of birds in the trees outside my window and the shush of the air conditioner vent, cooling down this Summer-like day. It's very pleasant.

But then she comes back from school. The creak of the front door, the thump of her backpack on the floor, the stomping up the stairs, the crash of her bedroom door. It sounds very routine.

Every week day, greetings are ignored on the staircase where she bumps against me. I let it roll of my shoulders. Yesterday, while my parents were at the hospital with Granny, Birdie and I cleaned and did laundry and cooked dinner. It wouldn't have seemed much of a burden really, if after Sam and Willin and Jubilee all chanted their thanks, she had too. Just one word before you push your fork into your mouth. Just a "thanks."

While I sorted towels and threw them in the washer, pulled sheets out of the dryer, folded socks, while Birdie dusted the window sills and did all the home-schooling with the other three, she was on the couch, asleep. Oh how she can sleep!

I'm not writing this to complain, to gain your sympathy or your praise. My day-to-day life, I think, would be very much the same whether she was here or not. We cook, we eat, we clean up. Sometimes we see her, sometimes we don't.

She's a pretty girl. Clever, talented, very well-liked at school. I wonder at her home-life, for didn't she say that she wanted one? It must not be at all like she was hoping.

But back to the sunlight, the letter. I hear her come home and then become engrossed in my scribbles. I don't hear the conversation starting between she and my mother, until I feel the tension through the floor. Jubilee comes upstairs to borrow my little red scissors and avoid the scene. I hear that it is something about homework, teachers, computer privileges. Then with the playing dumb, the lying, the begging. Her tone becomes frustrated and sharp, my mother's choppy with attempted patience.

I'm bringing my ice cream-sticky mug down stairs when she tornados past me on the second flight. I just brace myself and bump by.

Her brown-red face blurs past and I see my mother sitting in her chair in the living room, looking weary. I feel my blood heating up and before it boils, I go back up the stairs and look out the landing window.

Sam and Willin are kicking the football around in the soft, five o'clock light. I can hear my dad on the phone, telling someone that he'd still like to go back to Haiti someday. For half a moment, Haiti gives me a bad taste. What if going to Haiti brought me another relationship that feels like a failure? What if my efforts were met with more ingratitude?

But that moment passes as the boys pass the ball. My blood cools down, my heart warms up and I think that nobody could replace these children in my life. Nobody could replace mischievous, goofy Willin. Nobody could replace patient, witty Sam. Nobody could replace hilarious, bouncy Jubilee. And nobody could replace her. Even with the shoulder bumping on the stairs. Even with the brash words. Even with the shoveling food with no gratitude.

She's taught me stuff. And it's not her fault that that's the role she's had in my life. No, her actions aren't always acceptable, and they are her responsibility, but she didn't choose Haiti, abandonment, separation, neglect, three-year adoption, mental trauma, learning disability, tricky age-order, language barrier, insecurity, emotional baggage, begging bio-relatives, confusion.

She didn't choose all that, but I can choose love, because the truth is, love is always worth the risk. Every time.

everly

other posts about her here:

the storm (and mostly after it)
contrast
ransomed from futile ways
love thy neighbor (easier said than done)

in all things

2011-10-10T19:38:00.001-05:00

871. canoeing on sparkly waters

872. a big fridge full of homemade food

873. laughing with cousins

874. the sound of pingpong balls

875. the giant pine tree, still going strong

876. the water in the lake, even if it was very low

877. family reunion awards ceremony, oh-so-serious

878. all the little babies in attendance

879. the big sky over the lake

880. God's provision during a scary time (my grandmother fell ill during the reunion and had to be admitted at the local hospital)

881. gathering with aunts, uncles and cousins in a circle of prayer on the basketball court---definitely an unexpected blessing

882. my Dr. dad who knew what to do

883. good care and good news from the hospital

884. a wonderfully-helpful little sister who cooks, cleans and babysits with me while the parents are still out of town with Granny

885. the fun of putting packages together for friends and anticipating their arrival

886. Jubilee's bird calls on the whistle

887. finding Willin and Samuel playing "Life" on their bedroom floor

888. sweatshirts in the chilly air

889. a wonderful time in prayer and scripture in a quiet house while Adorable A. slept

890. coming home to find Eyrie Park (a little) wet

if we knew

2011-10-07T00:09:00.001-05:00

I oftentimes find myself thinking of friends and family and longing to fully express to them how much I love them. I think that if they only knew, their lives would be changed forever. They would stop doubting themselves, stop wondering what my motives were, stop giving little value to their every feature. They would see everything differently if they knew that one person in the world loved them as much as I really do.

And then it strikes me: Oh, but the Lord must think the very same thing about me.

If I only knew.

(everly)

"not too much" (part II)

2011-10-05T23:14:00.000-05:00

"Beware the barrenness of a busy life."

-Socrates

As my high school days went whooshing by and my (what for most most people would be called) college days came long, the trends changed. The keys were now not so cool as the pink iphones and school rings. Starbucks was no longer as cool as "local" coffee shops.

But that one trend I mentioned that everyone seemed to be following? It stayed. As a matter of fact, it grew.

"How have you been recently?"

“Oh, I'm not too bad. I’m taking a few classes, working two jobs, volunteering at church and on the side I’m writing a novel. I hardly sleep and practically live on coffee, but it’s great. What have you been up to?”

“Me? Just work I guess.”

“That must be nice." [thinks: slacker]

“How have you been recently?”

Sam studying (photo by Everly...you can tell by the blur!)

This an excerpt of an article in Relevant Magazine called "The Pride of Busyness." That conversation pretty much sums up about a thousand conversations I've had over the past five years, and that article title sums up the lives of many people I've met. They are busy...honestly so. And stinkin' proud of it.

When I entered the college scene, I found myself making excuses all the time. I would encounter these super cool Christian friends who were attending the university in my town, and realize within five minutes of talking to them that within a week, they take a full load of classes, work part time, volunteer with a few organizations, attend church, go see family and have a crazy-good time with all their peeps. It made me feel...like a failure.

I remember the beginnings of my excuses. I found myself trying to make my week sound busier than it really was and, in general, claiming to busy...even when I wasn't. I would say, "Oh, this week! It was so crazy!" even when it had been a perfectly normal week. I wanted to sound busy, important and just as productive as the next girl.

Willin at the books (studying?)

Now, the twist is this: some of my guilt was justified.
I am naturally a lazy person. I don't like to admit it, but it's better to admit it than to give in to it. I don't like dealing with schedules or deadlines. When I was little, my parents were constantly having to tell me to clean my room. I would get so frustrated...not because cleaning was so horrendous, but because I wanted to do it on my time. But the truth was, "my time" just meant later.

Still today, I struggle with laziness and procrastination. I don't like to commit to things that require too much effort or time (see also: writing a book.) My parents don't make me clean my room anymore, I get to do that on my time now, but that usually still means later. And I've found that the lack of accountability, even combined with some organizational skills that I've gained with age, makes for a pretty messy room most days.
But, I'm working on that. I am giving myself goals and putting effort toward reaching them. I'm learning from people who hold efficiency in high regard. I'm trying to do better. But the fact of the matter is, I don't have hard feelings about the liberty that allowed me develop these bad habits.

My sisters and brothers have all been unschooled as well and given just as much liberty in their time management. Sabrina and Birdie are both fairly good at managing their time wisely, being productive and efficient and hardworking. My personality and weaknesses took these liberties and abused them at times. I've spent many an hour of idleness (tell me I'm not alone in this!) particularly in surfing the web, staring into space and sleeping in.

Sabrina's hands, busy with the usual.

However, I've spent a lot of time doing things I wouldn't have had the opportunity to do, had I been enrolled in school, after school activities and summer camps. (You can read more about that here.) I've learned a lot. A few of the most important things I've learned are:

1. Busier isn't always better.

The Bible is very clear that idleness is very dangerous and sinful. 2 Thessalonians chapter 3 is all about this, warning the people to stay away from idle brothers and stating: "If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat." Work is healthy, important and brings glory to God. Idleness is clearly wrong. So if you consider "busy" to mean active and productive, then yes-this is always better than being idle. But "the busier the better" motto is nowhere in scripture and I believe that there is such a thing as "too busy."

2. My work is not your work, your work is not mine.

We are all given work to do. God has given every one of us special "gifts" or talents, passions and interests. My education brought these out in my siblings and I very evidently, but they were not gifts from my parents...they were from God Himself. Likewise, we are given work to do day-to-day by our parents, bosses and the necessities within our households. These are the things that I think we really must be working to accomplish. About the idle person, Paul wrote:

"Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living."

However, let's notice what this does not say. It does not say, "Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work, the work of slacking co-workers, and the work of anyone else they find, loudly, publicly in order to appear to be of utmost importance to society and the Kingdom of God, amen."
(Note: Even if you're not constantly updating your twitter with a list of all the things you've accomplished today, "loudly and publicly" to me can also mean that you whine and complain about how much you have to do, are constantly expressing how exhausted you are (because of said work) and drawing attention to yourself with the load you appear to be carrying.)
Do what YOU have been called to do. That is NOT everything.

“Don’t be too easily convinced that God reallywants you to do all sorts of work you needn’t do. Each must do his duty ‘inthat state of life to which God has called him.' " C. S. Lewis

My dad, replanting grass.

3. Pursue fruitfulness over busyness
There is a really big difference between someone who is busy and someone who is fruitful. (A really good sermon about this can be watched, listened to or read here.) I have to ask myself, am I being fruitful in my callings? Am I becoming more excellent in what I know God has called me to do, or simply piddling around many different arenas? It sometimes grants us short-term satisfaction to dabble in many different activities, but it is an easy excuse for not striving to do well in the activities we were designed for.

"You have more things you can dothan things you should do...If Satan can't make you sin, he will keepyou busy." Mark Driscoll

If you find that you are very busy in many areas, you are most likely bearing very little fruit. Fruit comes to trees that are given attention, trees that are nurtured. If everything is getting a small fraction of your attention, it probably isn't going anywhere. Likewise, if you've devoted your life to your job or ministry, you may be neglecting other areas. Taking a sabbath is Biblically mandatory. If you're too busy to sabbath or to spend time reading scripture and praying or to bond with family and friends, you are "too busy."

John Eldredge points out:

"The culture of women in the church today iscrippled by some very pervasive lies. "To be spiritual is to be busy. Tobe spiritual is to be disciplined. To be spiritual is to be dutiful." No,to be spiritual is to be in romance with God."

Oh, to be busy falling in love with the Lord! That's the only thing worth spending all your time on.

Everly

really, truly good things

2011-10-03T22:56:00.001-05:00

851. sharing earphones with my dad, dancing

852. hearing that the bride and groom are back in The Lonestar State

853. and that it was "sad to leave" (which means happy to be there)

854. an accepted article!

855. babysitting opportunities

856. the way a baby stops crying and stares when you begin to sing

857. the way I don't mind baby-staring

858. low humidity

859. last night rooming with a poodle

860. conversations with my dad, who stays up late to talk to me even when he's sick

861. finally gaining victory over my cold

862. video of the wedding

863. wedding cake frozen for the family reunion

864. Adorable A's little nose-scrunched smile

865. Willin's birthday-anticipation

866. sweet comments from faraway friends

867. cooking with Daddy (and it was good, too!)

868. chime songs

869. coyote lullabies

870. getting to tell Willin about the meaning of communion ("The Lord's Supper")

everly

"not too much"

2011-10-02T17:34:00.000-05:00

Much of my youth was spent just like this. We didn't call it "art class."

Growing up, I was never really set up to fit in. I was the tiny one that everyone always thought was several years younger. My peers liked to all take turns picking me up or tossing me around and informing me in loud voices that I was "sooo light!" In the youth group, this only changed a little. They were just as loud, only this time, they usually told me I was "sooo lucky!" They still tossed me around.

Luckily, I never really got picked on much because I was home-schooled. My social life consisted almost solely of family and church-family. The closest thing I ever knew to bullying was sticking up for a friend who was told at Vacation Bible School that she couldn't sit at this table "because she was fat." I still start breathing hard at the thought of it. Wanted to chunk my paper mache fish at their perfect little faces.

But I would say, despite being small and looking young, the biggest reason I felt like I misfit was because of my lifestyle. As I said, I was home-schooled. This, in-and-of-itself made me different. Kids were always asking me when my school "started" or "let out" and I never knew what to say...it didn't work that way for us. Somehow, that was never enough explanation. Conversations about grades, cafeterias, buses, substitutes and the all-mighty S.A.T. always had me in la-la land.

The things that seemed most important to my peers-performing well in school and after-school activities and being popular, never meant anything to me. I would smile and nod when someone would spill some exciting news about a test or project, even though I had no idea what they were talking about. I would try to act just as excited as everyone else for "summer" even though to me, summer was a change in the weather, not a date of probation.

Birdie and I at our "Haitian Donation" lemonade stand. This was not a school project.

This all came to a grand and climactic finale during high school. Though my parents never graded our work, tested us or "put us in grades," we always considered ourselves in one grade or another for church and social purposes. Half the time I couldn't remember what grade I was supposed to be in, much to the shock of...pretty much everyone.

Needless to say, I was quite shocked when I arrived in "high school" and saw the changes that were taking place in my peers. For one thing, they all got car keys, which apparently can't fit in anyone's pocket or purse and must be handled and jingled at all times. For another thing, they all became extremely stressed and had very important prayer requests and Facebook statuses about A.P. classes (and I always thought that A.P. stood for "Associated Press,") projects and tests. But beyond the eyeliner, gym shorts and sunglasses, the most common denominator was definitely busyness.

This is me "in high school," hanging out at a park with the family. And yes, this might've been a weekday.

While my days, weeks, months and "semesters" (whatever those are!) all blended together and were marked mostly by family birthdays and seasonal changes, they seemed to live out of planners. While I was spending my time at home, helping with my younger siblings, they were engrossed in their own activities. While I was writing stories out of love for words and plot twists, they were pouring over papers on topics they couldn't care less about. While I was living life as a 15, 16, 17 year old girl, they were checking off lists.

I would arrive at Bible study to hear them all joining in one conversation about something I knew nothing about and they would turn to me and say, "What did you do this week?" I never knew how to respond. For one thing, I never remembered what had happened "this week" and what had been the week before. For another, the things that I did during the week never seemed to "count" to them. Somehow, if it didn't have a team captain or club president, it wasn't an activity.

Summer vacation: Jacmel, Haiti

Was I supposed to list off the books I'd read to Willin and Jubilee? The meals I'd assisted Sabrina in? The adventure Birdie and I had on our walk? Was I supposed to reiterated what I had learned from a theological debate I had with Joey or describe the dreadful writer's block I had been battling? How about the tree I climbed? Or the elbow grease I put into the bathtub ring?

These things were so different than the things I would hear them talking about: track, dance, theatre, cliff notes and bursting binders, unfair grades and cute football players, duel credit and vacation destinations. Surely they weren't interested in what I did that week. For the most part, I found, they weren't. Most of the time, I'd just say, "Not too much."

(to be continued)

Autumn begins at Eyrie Park

2011-09-30T21:49:00.002-05:00

Not that it feels anything like Autumn. As a matter of fact, it was 99 degrees last I checked. But we still get to do things like buy new books and wear sweatshirts in the air conditioning (or maybe that's just me...) And we take lots of lots of pictures, because we love our lives. So here are a few for you (which of course, didn't show up the way I had edited them...please enjoy the originality!)

Welcome to Eyrie Park, a busy place in the middle of Texas.

Much of this Summer, leading up to Autumn was spent like this: wedding-planning.

But alas, the day finally came. Sabrina was wed, 9-25-2011. This is the caketopper used by my grandmother, mother and now Sabrina.

Sabrina and Donavan, excited about their marriage license.

And Sabrina moved out, sending her poodle, Molly, into mourning. They'll be reunited after the honeymoon. For some reason, Molly is the only one of us that Sabrina is taking along to their new place...humph! (That's me on the left, by the way.)

It was a hard Summer. A dry, hot Summer full of sad sights.

But we are very thankful for the rain we did get.

It even brought our pond up a little, which we got to enjoy during a "cold spell."

Sabrina and I at the pond.

I'm planning another photo-post soon with the theme of home-schooling. Stay tuned.

Everly

worth 33 minutes

2011-09-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

praying to a different tune (+ podcast)

2011-09-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

fairlight photography

That morning, I find myself doing it again and again: worrying.

I sit down on my bed and open up my journal to write a prayer. I think before I touch my pen to the paper and every word I come up with sounds like a worn-out song.

Haven't I prayed this before? A million times?

So I close the journal and pick up my Bible, closing my eyes first to pray:

"Just teach me something. Just guide me-not to an answer to my questions-but toward you, Lord."

Let me tell you, that was the best decision ~~I've made~~ The Holy Spirit has led me to in a long time. I open my Bible to Daniel chapter 8 and begin to read, trying to keep this prayer on my heart. Suddenly, a word jumps up at me: Kingdom.

What is it about that word? What is the connection between that word and my heart's prayer? And then it all comes back to me and I'm racing over to Matthew 6.

Just after Jesus tells us not to be anxious, because the Lord will look after us, He says this:

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33

All these things. He means, all of the things I worry about not having.
Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness...or as Spurgeon put it:

"See how the Bible opens: "In the beginning God." Let your life open in the same way.

Seek with your whole soul, first and foremost, the kingdom of God, as the place of your citizenship, and His righteousness as the character of your life."

To seek his kingdom is to seek Him. He is to be sought out first and foremost. Oswald Chambers said:

" "Seek ye first the kingdom of God." We argue in exactly the opposite way, even the most spiritually-minded of us - "But I must live; I must make so much money; I must be clothed; I must be fed." The great concern of our lives is not the kingdom of God, but how we are to fit ourselves to live. Jesus reverses the order: Get rightly related to God first, maintain that as the great care of your life, and never put the concern of your care on the other things."

(emphasis mine)

I felt suddenly free from the thing I had been worried about. It was no longer my priority. Further more, it was no longer my job to worry about it, to seek out The Great Answer for it. It was my job to seek The Lord, and as I sat there on my bed with His book of instruction of encouragement in my hands and His very spirit speaking truth into my soul, I felt equipped to do so.

Everly

P.S. God wasn't done talking to me about this. This afternoon as I scrolled through Facebook, I saw that my college ministry had posted a link to a podcast by one of my favorite teachers. It's called "Decision Making In the Will of God" and when I clicked on it, I realized that it was about the same sermon recorded in Matthew 6 (this time taken from Luke 12.) He says it all a lot better than I can and I can't think of anyone who this sermon couldn't apply to. Enjoy!