shy, homeschooled girl vs. the world

Besides my one year of Kindergarten, I was homeschooled all my life. Folks tell me that Kindergarten doesn’t count, but if you knew how many opinions I developed during that year, you’d probably think differently. Homeschoolers are not known for conforming to the world, but many have been known to conform to each other. This is what I always tried to avoid during my home-educated years and hope that I was successful at. Still, despite the fact that I don’t don ankle-length skirts and wear my hair in a 30lb bun, I did end up pretty..."home-school-y".
 


For one, I love to read. I remember being at a dance once and the guy I was dancing with asked me where I went to school. Upon the discovery that I was homeschooled, he said despondently, “Oh, so you like to read?” I had to be honest, and thus, nip that relationship in the bud, apparently! Secondly, I do believe in girls dressing modestly and femininely. And I have a big family, which I actually love to spend most of my time with. And though I don’t really like terms like “stay-at-home,” “courtship” and “lady in waiting” (blech!) I do believe in most of those things. So call me a geek. I loved homeschooling!
 


Which brings me to one more thing about homeschoolers: social awkwardness.  If we have a reputation for anything, that’s got to be it. Some of the most awkward people I’ve ever met have been homeschooled, but I will also say that some of the most genuine, secure, socially able people I’ve met have been as well. There are all types of homeschoolers just as there are all types of public-schoolers, but that’s something for another post. This isn’t about stereotypes; it’s about our interactions with society. How necessary is it for a young person to know how to act comfortable in a social situation?
 


I think it is very important, and I’ll tell you why. First I would like to say that this isn’t really a post to promote more social interaction for homeschoolers. All my life people pushed my parents to give my siblings and I more social interaction. I remember other kids making snide remarks about how we would “never do anything” and that they had “more social interaction in a day than (we did) in a year.” Why one feels that they can brag about how many peers they brush against in their school hallways, I don’t know, but at the time it seemed important I guess.  I felt like saying, “more people sit at my table at lunch than do yours” or simply “I don’t care,” but I didn’t. Mainly because I was shy.
 


Now I like to think of myself as an introvert instead of “shy." I still don't like to be around large groups of people for a long amount of time. I am definitely a homebody and prefer letters to talking on the phone. When I took an extensive online test, I was told I am 100% introverted, but when I told this to my friends, they were surprised. After all, I do talk. I do make eye contact (though I had to learn to do that, it never came naturally) and I do attend social events and enjoy most of them. That, I believe, is the difference between being an introvert and being shy or socially awkward.



I don't think it is wrong for children to spend most of their time at home with their family and I don't think it is wrong to be an introvert, but I do think that there is something wrong with letting your natural tendencies rule your life. For example, if you are too shy to encourage someone in need, you need to work on that. If you are too socially awkward to be a pleasant baby shower attendee, you need to work on that. If you have become so introverted that you are not involved in a church, you need to work on that...next Sunday. Please. Your nature is not your governor if you are free in Christ.

I don't think that introversion can be a result of home education. I believe that that is part of the personality that God knit into me. I don't think it is wrong or to be denied, but I do think it needs to be controlled to an extent, just like we must learn to control our emotions, proneness to addiction or bad habits. 

I used to be so terribly shy that I would literally not answer questions when asked. I would get a knot in my stomach when it was my turn to order at a restaurant and eventually end up looking to my parents to order for me. I couldn't imagine asking a Walmart employee a question or being the one to order pizza over the phone and dropped out of children's choir when I found out we were going to have to perform on stage (which is a shame, as I love to sing!) It is these things that made life less pleasant than it could have been. It was these things that made me realize I needed to "work on it."

I specifically remember one day (and my cousins do too!) when relatives were coming over and I decided before they arrived that I was going to talk to them. I was going to be the one to say hello first and ask them how they were and I was going to participate in conversation. They were quite taken aback. That was about ten years ago and since then, I've taken what seems like thousands of baby steps toward being a less shy, more socially comfortable person.

When I was seventeen, I had become discontented with the youth group I was involved in. Slowly my friends started to deplete there and I ceased to learn from my leaders there. I decided that I needed to begin attending the college ministry to see if perhaps they could help me grow and continue learning. My family has always hosted college Bible studies at Eyrie Park, so when one of these began, I thought about joining. As I watched the students flow through our front door, I cautiously introduced myself to a few of them but didn't go in to the room where they were meeting. The next week, Sabrina had convinced me to attend with her and I did so, quite nervously. Walking in, I felt like I was that chubby-cheeked Kindergartener again. However, I must say, some girls that I consider my dear friends now were in that group and that was one of the best decisions I ever made. I loved the Bible study, I loved the leaders and I loved the fellowship. I never could have done it had I let my shy, awkward, anti-social nature rule my life.

But alas, I've been in that Bible study for years now. God began telling me last semester that it was time for another baby step. I didn't really like it when He began hinting at leadership positions. 

"Do you trust me?" I could hear Him saying. "Then what are you afraid of? Being uncomfortable?" 

YES. I hate being uncomfortable! Of course I was afraid! I honestly get nervous praying at the dinner table (which, in my defense, is bigger than most)! How was I supposed to lead other people when I barely had the guts to be an attendee most days? 

But there I was, emailing the lady from our church, asking for more information about Bible studies. I considered leading a college Bible study (even though I still wasn't in college-ha!) and then high school, but scheduling didn't work out for either of those. It was the 3rd-5th grade girls Bible study that worked out just perfectly. 

"I can do this...they're just a few little girls." I told myself. 

Ha! I walked into the room that first night and there were about 20 girls sitting at tables, looking at me...as if I was supposed to be saying something? All of my prayers and the prayers of my family and friends were worthwhile at that moment. God just nudged me in front of the white board and gave me the words to say...and the courage to say them! It wasn't the easiest or most comfortable thing to do, but I did it!

This morning, one of those little girls came up to me and told me that she had accepted Christ as her savior while she was at church camp. The fact that she came to tell me, that she wanted me to know, made all of the awkward pauses and nervous preparation worth it. I am so thankful that I took that next step.

Everly